well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
