I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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