her facebook's as public as her vagina
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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