I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
