My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
