Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why can't burritos get me drunk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
