At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the day after is always just damage control
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
