i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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