you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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