I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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