It's like God shit irony all over that family
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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