12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
