Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize