It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize