So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
