dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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