Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
