i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
