I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
