i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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