sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
