dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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