I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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