Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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