The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
