Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
