I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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