btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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