You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
