i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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