She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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