They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and i looked up. we had an audience...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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