i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Girls should come with a carfax report
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
