White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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