Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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