you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
