how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How's work?
Spinning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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