I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
