Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
