You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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