Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
