HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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