This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
