i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
