oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
