break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
