Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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