Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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