Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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