I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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